tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
