My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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