Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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