my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
FUCK WHALES
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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