Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
