If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
