you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
