Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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