Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
