"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
