Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
