watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
