she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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