where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
