You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
