Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
