I wish I only lived at night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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