i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
