I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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