I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
