Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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