Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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