I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
