..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
