I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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