Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
