so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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