i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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