By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
