So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
