It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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