woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
