I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
