Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
