Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
