at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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