Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
