tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
