the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
