Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
