I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
high people should be assigned attendants
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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