she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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