he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
