This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
