Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
