This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if only i could text you this smell
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
