I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
