So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
