I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
