he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We are two peas in an std pod
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
