im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
