Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
