OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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