fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
