That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
