Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
