god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Duck Duck Cougar?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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