she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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